Inward and Upward
Those you who know me, know that I don’t tend to open up and share my thoughts, struggles, or feelings much. I often keep them bottled up, trying to deal with issues myself, not letting on that things are bothering me and are eating away at me on the inside. After the recent “episodes” on my blog, with the huge numbers of comments (200 comments in 9 days!), I realized that I needed to rethink the direction the blog was taking, refocusing it and myself, seeking a better direction and purpose for the haphazard site that this has become. While you’ll still see fun quizzes, polls, and such, I’m hoping this site can be turned more inward and upward: inward by sharing my personal thoughts and feelings, and upward toward God and the things that He’s doing in me and my friend’s lives.
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Jun 26th, 2004 at 11:33:20
I completely understand! But it’s hard because it seems when we write about such things we get a smaller response than we do when we talk about some funny quiz, computers or relationships (although this issue can be introspective and about God). Some of my posts that “meant the most to me” and were personal are the ones with little or no comments. It’s quite a struggle. Because the interaction definitely encourages me to keep it up, but at the same time we are to do everything for God’s glory.
Jun 26th, 2004 at 11:40:18
You know as I sat here trying to convince myself to finish my post that I didn’t finish last night, I realized something that may be the reason behind all this. This post that I need to finish has been something I’ve felt like I needed to post for at least a week now. I think the reason I haven’t done it yet is b/c of the whole being transparent before “the world.” That’s a scary thing. But I think it’s something I need to do, even if it’s just this once.
Jun 26th, 2004 at 11:53:06
You know, Ashlee, I’m feeling the same thing about the post that I started but didn’t finish last night, too. It’s hard to expose ourselves before the world like this, especially since so many of our close friends read what we write. It might be different if complete strangers were the only ones who stopped by our sites, but not only is it “strangers” but family and friends too. Like you, I feel it’s something that I should write about, and I hope it will make it easier to share more personal things in the future. Thanks for the encouragement!
Jun 26th, 2004 at 13:38:36
No problem. I mean if I’ve gotta go and be transparant before the world, and like you said not just strangers, but people who know me, I might as well not be alone! haha!
But seriously, it was quite a relief once I finally did it. I know longer feel like I should be doing something but I’m not… Now if I could just work out all the issues…
Jun 26th, 2004 at 13:39:14
BTW, does the use of “…” still bother you? I just noticed I still do it. Oops!
Jun 26th, 2004 at 14:52:49
lol, so is that where I got it from?!? I totally didn’t remember that until you mentioned it, but I do that all the time in emails, IMs, etc now. I have to force myself to remove some of the “…” since I use it so much anymore
Jun 26th, 2004 at 15:41:26
Haha! So I guess if you do it yourself it must not bother you so much now! Or does it…
It’s funny how we pick things up throughout life.
Jun 26th, 2004 at 17:51:36
Yes it is hard to talk about our inner thoughts and convictions when the whole world especially those close to us are reading our sites. I have contemplated writing things because of not necessarily people who will read it today but others that I might send to my site later. Especially since I am not good at somewhat encrypting what I say so others dont pick up on who/what its about in the total true essence.
PS. I do the whole “….” thing as well
Jun 27th, 2004 at 12:02:54
This is some of the best news I’ve heard from my cousin in a long time. I have always found it pecuiler how he can ALWAYS have a smile on for the crowd, but know that he’s giving himself an alcer worring about somthing on the inside. I’ve often wondered if and when he might ever reveal some emotion… (Like maybe at his own mother’s funeral; I mean that would be just plain respectful.) Where dealing with things independently and quietly is sorta a part of his personality, its not exactly always healthy ya know? I mean part of human interaction is to share difficulties and struggles and to get the support and encouragment from the friends and family your always talking to. I mean it’s not being a “Sissy” or “Un-manly” to discuess your feelings or even cry… That’s not bizzare, it’s natural; It’s natural human behavior. And what girl here will agree with me that whenever Chris might be ready that he will never get himself a wife (and keep her till death do us part) if he doesn’t learn to open up a little bit more. I mean I don’t know what Chris is so afraid of. He knows we (friends and family) are all here for him whenever he wants to talk. And I know he knows that………..
–Bryan “Elwood Blues” R.
Jun 27th, 2004 at 19:01:42
I apologize for my pyschoness there…
–Bryan “Elwood Blues” R.