I know these have been ALL over the internet for months now, but just in case some people haven’t seen them, and for the sake of having them in my “archives” for years down the road, I thought I’d post the Chuck Norris Facts. As far as I know, this list was the original. Many, many others have been added since then, so check the site for all the facts you could possibly want. My faves are bolded.

• Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
• Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming that Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
• The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
• Chuck Norris defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you’re still alive, it’s because Chuck Norris loves you.
• Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
• If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
• Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb.
• There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.
• There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
• In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.
• Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
• In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
• Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
• Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
• When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
• Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
• When Chuck Norris jumps into a body of water, he doesn’t get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris instead.
• Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
• Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
• When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.
• Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
• When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King and got one.
• Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word “hunting” infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
• When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
• Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Not enough? Watch Chuck Norris personally read some facts.