One of the toughest parts of a break up is how to handle the ex afterwards. Should you try to be just friends? When should you be friends? Or should you just let each other go and move on, living separate lives? How much time and distance is appropriate for healing? When is it appropriate to move on?

I’ve always had trouble letting go of relationships, thus making it hard for me to be “just friends.” It takes me a while to cleanse myself of a relationship, to get to the point where everything I see and hear doesn’t remind me of the failed relationship. This stems from my problem of jumping into relationships too fast and with both feet, so when the relationship is gone, I can’t easily climb out. I put too much of myself, my heart and mind, into the relationship, and even when things aren’t going well, I simply do not know how to hold back. This can be good at times, but it hurts like the dickens when things are over.

Reaching that point of friendship definitely gets tougher when it seems the other person has moved on quicker than you expected. (Ah, expectations…what horrible things those are.) It definitely sets back the healing process when you feel your heart has been sucked out of your chest and tossed aside like a rag doll. It makes you wonder just how much feeling there was on the other person’s behalf, makes you wonder just how much they were really into making the relationship work. It makes you feel stupid for everything you put into the relationship, that you were really blind to the true nature of the relationship. No matter how much or little time has gone by, getting that first whiff that the ex has truly let go and moved on really stings.

But who really determines how much time is appropriate before moving on? It’s different for every person and every situation, and that’s essentially the problem. If only it were set in stone that each person gets x amount of time after a relationship of y months before moving on… But there’s no manual on this stuff, which is why it can hurt so much. But as my many married friends can attest, it’s all worth it in the end…right? What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger, and this is just another obstacle and step in the healing process (at least, that’s what I’m telling myself). I need to suck it up, hold my head up high and just keep taking those baby steps. As Red Green says, I gotta keep my stick on the ice. Time heals all wounds - or so it’s said. That’s my little rant for the night.