Diagnosis: Diabetes
This is a tough post for me to write and share. My battle will be as much public as it will be private, though, and maybe this will help me connect with others in a similar situation, so here we go…
Last week, I had an appointment with my doctor for a routine physical (which I hadn’t had since college) and routine blood work (which I had never had done).
This was prompted by trouble sleeping and excessive thirst back in April. At the time, I wasn’t too concerned about it. I thought it was due to stress, from being too busy and other events around that time. After the symptoms persisted and several people suggested they matched those for diabetes, I scheduled a visit.
This past Monday, I got a call from the doctor with the results. As was suggested, the symptoms were indeed caused by diabetes. The doctor diagnosed me with Type II diabetes mellitus (adult-onset diabetes). My fasting blood sugar was 255 mg/dL, with the normal range being 60-115 mg/dL. The doctor prescribed Metformin, is sending me to a diabetes education class next week and will check up on me in three months.
This news is still sinking in. It’s one thing to hear I have it; it’s another to realize how it could affect my life. Other than the thirst, which has returned to normal in recent weeks, and trouble sleeping, I don’t feel “sick.” Everything is about to change though. I’m going to have to pay attention to what I’m eating, watch my portion sizes, count carbs. My love of pasta and bread is going to have to be held in check. No more eating what I want, when I want. Exercise is no longer going to be something I do for enjoyment but will become a necessary part of life.
I’m not sure what led to me “getting” this disorder. There’s no family history (though my dad is borderline as of recent years). I’ve tried to stay active, maintain my weight, drink plenty of water, avoid sugary pop, eat healthy, watch portions, etc. Sure, I don’t always get it right, but I didn’t think eating too many fruit snacks one day or too many O’Charley’s rolls another would affect me that much. I’ve read that 80-90% of Type II diabetics are overweight, but that’s not the case here. In fact, I’ve gotten healthier since I started doing 5Ks three years ago.
Regardless of why I didn’t think could be diabetes, once the symptoms were associated with the disorder, I was sure I had done this to myself. I thought I could pinpoint a period a few months ago where I slipped up more than usual and wasn’t taking care of myself as I should have been. I was sure this had thrown my body so out of whack, there was no recovery. However, this has been discounted by several people. Apparently, diabetes isn’t something you can just “do” to yourself.
This is hard for me to accept, that it just happened, that my body just isn’t working right. In typical Chris fashion, there has to be a reason, I have to know what caused it. I don’t think I’m ever going to get that answer and that is hard for me to swallow.
My issues with acceptance don’t stop there. Another aspect I’m having trouble accepting is that I’m going to be on medicine. For the rest of my life. I don’t like taking medication. Even if I have a bad headache or a migraine, I usually suffer through it without taking medication. Now I have to be intentionally consistent with taking the prescribed medication, dealing with any side effects, most likely until the day I die. That bothers me to no end. I feel like this is a short term sickness, just like any other, that will go away after a few days or so. I’m still of the mindset that a better diet and more exercise will return everything to normal.
That’s the other issue that I have. I want to beat this. I want to research and learn everything I can about it, find the cause, find the solution and work hard to knock it out, just like any other goal I have.
But I can’t.
Everything that I’ve read says diabetes does not have a cure. So while it’s treatable with diet, exercise and medication, it seems I’m stuck with it. And that is so very hard for me to stomach. I can’t accept that I have to learn to live with this, that there’s nothing I can do to return my glucose levels to normal, to “teach” my body to use its insulin properly again or make more of it. It just doesn’t make sense that I can’t correct what’s wrong.
I think that’s going to be the hardest part of coping with this disorder – accepting that it was nothing I did to cause it and accepting that there’s nothing I can do to fix it.
There a Sunday School lesson in there, that like salvation, it’s not about what we do. Christ accepts us and loves us as He made us. There’s nothing we can do or stop doing that can make Him love us any more or less than He already does. But how often do we struggle with not feeling worthy, thinking we have to do or be more to earn His love or get noticed? How often do we try to add control to lives by our deeds, rather than just being in His mercy and grace? It’s so hard to realize how powerless we are, to let go and realize He’s taking care of everything.
I’ve worked in the pharmaceutical industry for almost 4.5 years now. I’ve worked on countless studies involving diabetes research. Metformin, fasting glucose, HbA1c, insulin, OGTT, timed meal tolerance tests and a number of other terms have become a part of my everyday life in the office.
Now these terms have taken on a whole new meaning and have become a part of my everyday life – period.
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Nice new theme
You can beat diabetes, you just can’t get rid of it. To me, beating diabetes has been not letting it rule my life. My diabetes doesn’t define or limit me, and I don’t plan on ever letting it. You can always get involved with the local American Diabetes Association chapter. I’m not extremely involved with them, but there is a lot you can do. They have a walk every year and also a bike ride to raise money. I may not do the ADA walk, because I am planning on doing the JDRF (Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation) walk later in the year. Or I may do them both, I haven’t decided yet. If you decide to walk or do a fundraiser and don’t want to do it alone, I’d gladly join you!
Oh, and if you ever need to talk or just hang out, you know where I live!!
Thanks Jeremy. I appreciate all the info and such you’ve passed on so far. I definitely don’t intend to let this rule my life.
dude, that sucks. but it could always be worse. i mean, you could smell like a fart all the time. that would be worse.
as analytical as you are, i’m sure you’ll be ok.
Mom beat hers by not letting it rule her life, but she also got rid of it with a pancreas transplant. Granted that’s an extreme solution that may only be available to people in other circumstances (she also got a new kidney). Also, remember that being overly harmonic about things can sometimes make us forget about the big picture. Remember that this is God’s will and with that knowledge use it to make your spiritual and physical life better. Accept that maybe, somehow, the difference you will make in this world will be even bigger now, embrace that notion, and watch your life transform into something more.
Of course I’m here to talk if you need it, and given the change in diet you are about to experience, I’ll help in the kitchen.
You will, obviously, be in our prayers.
Thanks Ben.
harmonic = analytic (stupid math degree)
I was wondering…
Dude, I’m sorry. My parents both have some form of it, so this is probably something I’ll have to deal with at some point as well. Not letting it rule your life sounds like good advice. Getting naked, for whatever reason, always seems to help me feel better in the short term. Granted, it creeps neighbors out (and how I wish they’d stop spray painting “Close the blinds” on my car), but in the end, nakedness is something that gives us peace, and finding inner peace is important. Sometimes, peace is found in the oddest of places. Sometimes, you can’t find it until you’ve removed all those oppressive, restrictive barriers that keep our true spirits inside.
Sometimes, you just have to be free.
Sometimes you’ll get arrested if you do it in a K-Mart, but sometimes they don’t remember your face, and don’t throw you out immediately upon your re-entry to the store.
Anyway, the point is, get naked, and hang in there, but mostly get naked. That’s important.
Haha, James, you crack me up. We need to hang out again soon. Thanks for your insightful words. I think I may just go mow my yard in the nude. Thanks for the inspiration
I feel your pain and your disdain for taking medication. I have been fighting being prescribed to various medications long term over the years. We can make changes in our lives by exercising, getting plenty of rest, and watching what we eat. But unfortunately there are some things we have cannot fully control no matter how much we try.
I am still trying to improve my health as you can see on my blog, but that unfortunately will not cure all of my problems. I don’t have diabetes as my glucose is in order but my fasting insulin is high compared to my glucose levels. I was prescribed Metformin for various reasons several months ago. My doctor is slowing increasing my dosage to minimize the side effects. I was suppose to have increased dosages a couple months ago but hadn’t gotten back to the doctor until a few weeks ago. I just now increased dosage so we will see if side effects increase. I didn’t seem to have any side effects from the small dosage. The only question I have thus far is if my tiredness is related to the medication or just how much I have been working.
As others, if you need to talk, you know where to find me. I understand the struggle of not really understanding whats going on with your body, wandering what you did to cause it, and wanting to find a reason for whats happening.